Fingerpaints

I wish I had a canvas to throw paint on
To take my confusion out in colors
Red, blue, teal
The streaks and smears to show you how I feel about everything
Tears in my clothes, holes in my shoes
Do I look more like a lost little kid to you than the adult I’m supposed to be?
How lost do I seem?
Thinking I could ever be something to you seems so asinine
How could you love me when I’m still learning to grow up?
One failure at a time, please.
I see those colors and the painting I create in my head
If only I could just show you the canvas
If only I could figure out what I’m trying to show you, what I want you to see
What am I trying to be?