Sunshine

Dear Sunshine,

Happy birthday. I know it's been a couple years, and we're different people now, but I can't help but think of you today. You were (still are no doubt) one of the most incredible people I've ever met. I hope your heart stays strong and beats with pure love and devotion for your family every day. 

I still miss you sometimes.

I hope you light up everyone around you like you use to light me up. 

Happy birthday, Sunshine. 

Love,

J

Day 20: Kyle

Dear Kyle,

Thank you. 

It's weird sometimes how something heartbreaking and terrible can cause something. My friend, I hate the pain you're dealing with and the ridiculous number of complications you're dealing with, but I am grateful for one thing: our renewed friendship. I hadn't realized how completely I had missed your laughter, concern, advice, and kindness. Thank you for your friendship. 

I am grateful for our shared history, values, sense of humor, and friends. All these things truly make you magical and rare. 

Thank you for being honest. It's been a distressingly long time since I've spent real time with a guy who understand the importance of using his words. You have any idea how awesome it is to have you actually explain what you mean and not just get upset with me if I question you? I have trust issues and have spent too much time being lied to or rejected or having guys decide to tell me I'm just wrong or get angry at me without ever just manning up and talking to me.  Having you step up and be a real man is such a blessing. Plus it minimizes confusion. Party. Bonus. 

Speaking of parties...a happy, happy birthday, The Kyle. I can't believe we're adults let alone responsible ones. :) You are a good man and a great dad. May God bless you in the coming year in new, beautiful, surprising ways and also give you the strength you need to get through the pain and difficult times. Many wonderful years to come, my friend. Many wonderful years. 

I love you, my friend. I'm so proud of you, I am so grateful that you are you, and that I get to be a part of your story. 

Thank you. 

Love,

Jaymin

Badger Camera Mittens

Sometimes I wonder. 

Tonight, for instance, when I just finished reading my second book in as many weeks about a soldier now state side trying to recover their own lives, I wonder. 

I wonder if things would've turned out differently if you would've held my hand or if I had kept writing you letters. I didn't mean to abandon you to adulthood & war, but when my best friend died, any word out of me was impressive because I just barely held on. 

Sometimes I think that maybe if I knew more about the man you've become or you text me some time other than when you were drinking that maybe something would happen. Especially since I'm pretty sure your family wishes you would marry me. 

I can't help it, I guess. Late nights, good books, quiet...they leave me free to wonder. It's just that you have beautiful hands and you cheat at any game you play. Plus you listen to me and you created that pointless game when I was sick. I know you've got a good heart, but I think you're angry with God because you think He's the reason for the loss. 

I still hope you see around the anger & realize God's been waiting all along to give you eyes & strength to see through the pain. It looks bleak, I know, but something new & beautiful will come from it. 

Really.