(64) Inner Monologue

Never expected at 27 to feel

like I'm taking a blindfolded 

leap of faith

across a ravine

on a unicycle 

through a ring of fire

in front of critics

Is that too harsh?

Too complicated or over-thought?

On these late nights,

I can't help myself

my brain scrolls through

every twist, wrong turn, mistake

that brought me here

And I keep thinking

I'm such a fake

Don't they see my fear

Don't they know I have

no idea what to do

when I'm standing here 

Sometimes I see the good

in this heart of mine

but sometimes I worry

my dark is pushing away my light

And my brain asks my heart

Are we strong enough for this?

It's not sure how to answer

(8) For Your Birthday

You remember the summer

you loved me?

You were sweet & funny

though boundaries seemed to be

a weakness

You told me you'd 

never go to far

Even though

your eyes betrayed your heart

Do you know you're

the only man who

ever made me feel

wanted

& desired

I still miss 

your fingers

laced through mine

or your hand

at the base of my spine

We watched fireworks 

from my front yard

& I told you my

heart & fears

I made you forget, 

for awhile at least,

the ghost of a girl 

you'd been chasing

for so long

You never meant

to love me

You never meant

to stay

It still, 

to this day,

surprises me

that you would've stayed

(think it startled you too)

but my heart was

a fire

roaming fast ahead

of me

burning me down

& burning my bridges

to the life you

were willing,

finally,

to work towards

In case I never told you,

You cut a gorgeous figure in a suit

Your smile could light up the darkest room

Your arms always felt safe

You were enough,

more than enough,

for any girl

(let alone me)

Please don't ever doubt

your strength & worth

based on me

I was young &

slipping through 

like water to the sea