I am a Jerk.

(My friend Josh, this was actually taken the last time he was visiting. He was posing for future merchandising possibilities. There will be mugs and t-shirts and blankets. Oh yes. Remember this face!)

Moments ago I realized that I am, in fact, a jerk.

Some of you may be thinking, but we've know this for years...Sadly it didn't necessarily occur to me. I still want to think that this is not always the case, but I certainly have moments where my sarcasm and apathy are overwhelmingly apparent. In those moments I don't even think about the tone or manner in which the words I say happen.

This is how it went down...

My friend Josh is sitting on my couch staring at the ceiling it was appears to be near-comatose boredom while I sit at my table typing away on my computer listening to music that he could very well hate while reading more of http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/ and laughing manically off and on. When I finally realized that this was occurring, I asked him if he was doing alright (in a sarcastic tone...because that's what happens virtually all of the time...) he said he was fine. Kaitlyn also realized that Josh was zoning and asked if he'd like a coloring book. I let him know there were several next to him on the floor. Then without thinking about it I said the following:

Me: Or...if you'd like, you could choose one of these lovely DVD's [motioning to the shelf behind me] and we could teach you how to turn on the TV and watch one.

To which Josh replied: I am not totally incompetent.

Which was about the time I realized I sound like a jerk. Maybe deep down I'm not really a jerk. Maybe it's just that when I speak, I sound like a jerk. Or perhaps an idiot wrapped in jerkdom. I don't know. I just know that I didn't mean to sound so rude and that my sarcasm is verging on ridiculous. Thankfully Josh is a nice guy and I think he realized the sarcasm was not meant to be cruel...it's just my ridiculous form of self-expression. It's what I do.

*sigh*